Friday letters.


Dear online bulb retailer:

I love watching my bulbs come up in the spring, watching them grow taller, bud, and bloom. It is one of everyone’s favorite signs of spring — first the croci, then the daffs, eventually the tulips. Grape hyacinths. Fragrant hyacinths. Siberian squills.


It was with high hopes I ordered several hundred bulbs from you back on September 6. Just the basics: lots of croci, daffs for naturalizing, and a few giant allium to perk up my perennial garden in June. September 6 seemed a reasonable time to order, particularly when the email confirmation told me that I could expect my package between September 11th and 16th.

I have a bad back, which although continuing to improve through dedicated physical therapy and exercises, is still too weak to allow me to plant these myself. I counted on having my teenage helper do the physical work under my careful supervision. That’s how I got the dozen daffs that went into the garden a couple years ago, and I looked forward to teaching Molly, the current teenager, a little about bulb planting.

My calendar tells me that it is now September 25, one-and-a-half to two weeks later than you told me I would have my bulbs. Just in case you didn’t notice on my original order, I LIVE IN NORTHERN WISCONSIN. Winter comes earlier here than where you are in Cleveland. Your promise to deliver my bulbs “…at the right time for my growing zone…” has now been broken. While it may be possible to plant bulbs successfully here in late September or early October, I do not have the luxury of planting them the day they arrive; I need to wait for my helper, and she only comes on weekends. This whole endeavor now requires 1, the bulbs to arrive; B, my helper to come as promised (sometimes she cancels); and iii, most tenuous of all, that we have a suitable, precipitation-free weekend. As the weeks roll past, it become increasingly unlikely that all three of these events will align in the perfect way I require.

Your disappointed customer,
The Kat™

p.s. Thank you for canceling my order when I called today. I find it rather difficult to believe that on this precise day you could not at first cancel it because “…it had already begun to be processed,” particularly because I checked the order status before I called, and there was no indication that anything at all had been done with my order. That seems awfully serendipitous for you. But apparently your supervisor was more understanding.

* * * * *

Dear person who has continually bad-mouthed our local humane society for the past couple years.


That is all.
The Kat™

* * * * *

Dear dozens of people who were interested in starting a chapter of the League of Women Voters,

Where ARE you?

Your friend,
The Kat™

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3 Responses to Friday letters.

  1. Debra Henk says:

    Aw, no bulbs–that is terrible. Do you have a bulb auger? Sure makes things easier. Also, bulbs are tougher than you think. I often make a slit in the ground with my shovel (a tile spade works well), toss the bulb in whichever way it lands, and press the hole closed with my foot. No bending necessary. I have 100+ to plant this fall too, along with several pounds of garlic, but I have time.

  2. Jocelyn says:

    You’re charming when you’re exasperated. And bless you for having a teenage helper. Also: I am still telling the Universe that your back needs to feel better.

  3. gayle says:

    I love your letters.
    And also? What Jocelyn said. 8)

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