I am overall pleased with the new laser color printer/scanner/magic machine I purchased from Amazon last year. However, there are one or two things I would like to discuss with you.
- When the first machine didn't work you were very cooperative and helpful in troubleshooting and then replacing it. However, that first machine has been boxed and waiting for pickup in my entryway since last March. I am thinking of using it as boat anchor come summer. Please advise.
- Why is it necessary for the magenta toner to be operable when I am printing in black & white?
Thank you for your prompt attention to these matters.
/s/ A customer who could possibly be a bit happier
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Dear Hannibal The Fluffball Of Doom, aka The Fluffy Black Cat,
I apologize for bopping you in the head this morning, but really, what is a cat mom supposed to do when her favorite feline suddenly and without warning BITES HER FINGERTIP?! HARD! You had been carousing romping playing with the dog right before that, but surely you had gotten all that biting and clawing out of your system before you curled up on my lap and began to purr. Was it all just a pretense to lull me into a false sense of security, to lure me to begin to scratch your ears?
However, all is forgiven now. When you reached out with your paw and pulled the injured finger toward yourself and licked it, I realized I had witnessed something never before experienced in the history of the universe: my cat had apologized to me.
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Dear Aging Mac Mini,
You have been my good and faithful friend for, lo, these past 6.5 years, but I fear you are growing increasingly feeble. The long wait whilst your beach ball spins for what seem like days when I have more than a few tabs open, the groans I hear from your hard drive when I consider opening Word and Excel at the same time, the way you stop working entirely when I open iTunes — all these things make my heart sad because they mean you are nearing your last disk check.
I just want to say forget it.
Your hard drive is gonna keep spinning, your memory is gonna keep remembering, and your processor is gonna keep doing whatever the hell I tell it to do because I cannot buy a new computer right now. I just got a new iPad to replace the one that caught on fire last summer, I just paid the first half of our property taxes (how could I have forgotten that they are due by January 31 every year, not just the year I remember?), and my laser printer needs a new set of toner cartridges. My checkbook is feeling a tiny bit thin right now, so you are just gonna have to suck it up and keep doing what you do.
Got that? Good.
/s/ The person who controls your power cord.
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